I wish all the best to my exes, I hope they are happy in future and learnt something from our relationships, as I have. I want them to be happy because I did and will always love them somehow, but I need to be happy myself too, and I can’t do that with them in my life. I need to put myself and love myself first. We all do.
No one goes into a relationship wanting it to end, no one goes into a relationship wanting to hurt the other person or be hurt themselves. I didn't want my recent relationship to end, but I knew I had to be the one to break it off.
It was one of the most awful days of my life. I hate hurting other people and knowing I have hurt someone. It killed me. But if the thought of ending it was so horrific, why didn't I just stay? I had to leave to save myself. I had to leave to protect my happiness and my self-confidence. The last couple of weeks I felt nothing but numb and that's when I knew I had to do it. I owed it to myself, no matter how hard it would be.
I didn’t realise till now how much shit I put up with, and how poorly I was treated by the person who was supposed to love, care for and respect me. It took me getting out of the relationship to fully understand why I had to. I had to do it for my own happiness. I was miserable near the end and was beginning to forget who I was and wanted to be.
We give our all to the people we love, we would do anything possible to make them happy but in some relationships nothing is ever good enough. Sometimes things just don't work out. We put up with bad treatment because we love them. It sucks because we are the people who always try to and want to see the best in others, and sometimes this can be taken advantage of. We make excuses for how poorly we are treated, saying they are just having a bad day or they don’t really mean it personally, that it’s just their nature and that you are being “too sensitive” and are “overreacting” as you have been told too many times before.
"Getting out is not giving up on someone when staying is giving up on yourself."
It's always difficult to see it from within, but whatever position you are in, think how you would feel if it wasn't you, but a close friend. If you knew your friend's sparkle was being dulled by the one person who is meant to kindle their brightest fire. If you knew your once so positive and excitable friend now felt low more often than they felt high. You wouldn't want your closest friend to go through that, you wouldn't want anyone to go through that. And you shouldn't put yourself through that, because even though it may seem like you have a duty to stay and that maybe you are just "overreacting", if you feel unhappy at all, you have the right to leave.
No one can tell you you are too sensitive or overreacting. If it upsets or hurts you, they should respect that and consider why you feel that way. If you are upset you cannot let it go and allow it to continue. If it can be fixed, then that’s great. But if your partner isn’t willing to listen, then they do not respect you and your relationship. And you deserve so much more than that.
I feel like I became a smaller person, my spark was dulled and I felt nothing but numb near the end. I dampened myself down in order to make my partner feel loved and feel better, I tried to give them what they wanted to make them happy, even if that meant not staying true to myself in the process. And it’s only now I realise how wrong and damaging that is.
You should never make yourself smaller for anyone. Not even if you love them with all your heart. If they truly love you they will love you for who you are, and if they don’t love who you are, then you deserve someone that does. They should admire, appreciate and love the bold vibrant warm welcoming kind soul you are inviting them to, not make you feel bad and ashamed for the qualities that make you, you.
If you feel like you are walking on eggshells with your partner, if you feel like you are just never quite good enough, if you feel under-appreciated, if you begin to doubt who you are and all the good qualities you used to proudly identify with, if issues that have been discussed continue and continue to happen you need to stop "seeing how it goes" and if you feel you have given your absolute all to make them happy and it's still not good enough then you need to get out. I'm sorry, I know it's hard and it's not what anybody wants to hear. It's not what I wanted to hear either. But you need to get out. Just remember, getting out is not giving up on someone when staying means giving up on yourself.
You owe it to yourself to give yourself the best chance of happiness. And while loneliness may seem scary and upsetting, it's better to be alone and eventually happy than stay in a relationship where deep down you know you'll never truly be happy.
Things will get better. You are an amazing, strong, positive, healthy, productive, hard-working, ambitious person with the whole world at your feet. It's okay to not always be okay, it's okay to take time to rest, re-focus on yourself, who you are and who you want to be in future, both single and in future relationships. Decide what you want and stick to it from now on. And thank your ex for showing you that you are your top responsibility, and that you won't make the same mistake again of dampening yourself in order to prop someone else up. Some things just don't work out. Stop worrying about the future right now and don't fret about that extra hour you spent in bed, focus on what time you do have, give yourself a break once in a while and do the things that truly make you feel happy.
Have that obligatory break-up pizza and ice cream (& wine) night with your friends, keep them and loved ones close because you are not alone and you will not be alone forever. It may feel like your ex was the only one for you, but I promise you there are so many people who will love you for who you are and will raise you up on a pedestal alongside them, not below them. Keep yourself busy, write down all your feelings in your journal, get out the house, see your friends and have fun.
You have all the time in the world and the whole world at your feet. Just make sure you are happy and that you put your own happiness first.
Breakups suck, but things will get better.